have all the treasures, posses nothing
"Your destiny is to overcome the ways of the world, to be in the world but not of it, to have all the treasures of the world and yet to possess nothing."
- Eileen Caddy
We are sitting in my therapy room. She is telling even more about her relationship of +20 years. The partner is displaying strong narcissistic features. Manipulation, scolding, ostracising, blackmailing, silent treatments, you name it. Psychological violence at it’s best.
I become directive; not a time to be wishy-washy.
The first thing you need to do is get yourself a safe space. This dynamic is sucking out your body and Soul. He is dangerous.
This is how I see it, ok? Take this as my perspective.
She agrees. Luckily, she is one of the women who see the harm of being exposed to very, very toxic behavior. There is no need to deny, not anymore; her body almost collapsed a few weeks ago. She recognized the sign. She’d called in. Now we are sitting in my therapy room. I’m confronting her with the urge to seek a safe space.
“I cannot do it,” she says. “I have no money.”
I don’t buy it. I know I could, and a few years ago I would. I would sympathize and just go with her story of lack. This time?
First, she is seeing me; my fee is not the highest of the high, but it’s not the lowest too. Second, the lack of resources can be perceived? We need to inspect more. It could be resistance against change or defense against loss. Third. I trust if someone is capable of talking about a certain situation, and observing it from a distance? There is always a capacity to get way out that is present; sometimes, the way out needs to be built. Forth, every equation life sets us in, it also contains its solution; a spiritual aspect. Fifth: money is most of the time only about priorities. Is this important for me? Is this necessary?
Sister, there is always a fucking way out. Always. If the door closes, you’ll catch sight of the window, and flee through that fucking window.
By not owning enough of your own money? Believe me, you're keeping yourself silent in so many aspects of your life - and you are even not aware of it! Which is the worst part!
There are many ways how we, as women, have always been kept silent, small, and good. Fucked up part is, this story has been going on for centuries now - and it's still here. Talking about ways how women (and kids, black and indigenous people, free-thinking men, etc.) have been abused and oppressed? It is, in fact, contemplating the deepest collective wounds we all still have....
The collective, unhealed trauma of humanity is still shaping the territory of Psyche. Human relationships are hurting because of it, in difficult, demanding ways. There are many ways how these patriarchic structures are still invading our lives. Be it by worshipping “the scientific”. Or paroling “wellness, longevity and vitality” by obsessive care for our bodies. What about almost 100 billion net worth porn industry? Or demonizing birth control, menstruation, home-births...
And, by abusing money.
The problem with money is, on the most deep level, there is no problem at all.
Money is an energy form. It is also a symbol, means of energy exchange, and connection - which is an energy exchange between you and me, me and the Other, is the natural state of nature. And humanity. In the human world, everything is built on exchange and collaboration. Does anything exist outside of the relationship? Really? (No.)
The exchange is about connecting, about reaching out into contact with someone else in need. It is about giving and receiving. It has the same mechanism as love. Connection, in the purest spiritual sense, is love. We can receive love and we can give love. As we can receive money and we can give it.
There is nothing wrong or bad around the subject.
Now, humans did a whole shit around all this.
I have no idea how this happened. But as was Eve exiled from the Garden of Eden after eating from the Tree of Knowledge - and become “evil”... so money had! And we, Eve’s daughters started to hide, shrink, fading into the invisible, soundless forms... money also became ugly, dirty, evil. Talking about vulva, womb, menstruation was outcasted. Practicing medicine powers, energy work, consciousness expansion through pleasure? Forbidden and severely punished. Women burned,.... and somehow, along the way, also the subject of money. Especially women and money.
Money, the elephant in the room
Nowadays, the subject of money is paradoxically still one of the most triggering subjects. Often, nothing is more provocative than money-talk. So many toxic emotions wrapped around the subject and so many limiting beliefs. It seems that there is nothing more shameful than needing money, wanting money or going after the money.
I mean, what would you say if I tell you I have a goal to earn 250.000 EUR before taxes, this year? Or 460.000 EUR? Or about her, going after USD 1.260.000? Or what would you think about a woman, wanting to own at least 70.000 EUR in her security bucket by late November - in times like "this"?
I’m sure at least a small part of you would be provoked by this, right. Would you think of us as trustworthy, greedy, corrupted, manipulative?
No shame in this, my sister.
I’ve been there, done that; I've projected my own shadow money stuff as fuck.
But Life? Polished my prejudices.
I noticed early on in my life that I do live on a planet Earth. I love this planet, the waters, and all the crazy stuff going on on this planet, actually. I'm accepting I'm a material girl, moving in a material world, in a system of matter, and system of humanity that is built around energy exchange aka connection.
And, like you somehow, what I need to prosper, is love and money.
What I’m telling you, sister is that denying your need for money will not save your situation. Same goes with seeing me or Her as greedy, projecting your own greed and lack.
Denying the importance of money is a) collective, b) dangerous.
You know why?
Money is about choices
Because on this planet, money is all about choices. It exposes who we are, through the choices we make. And with denial of money, and with the lack of money, we do have limited choices. When we don't have choices, we get anxious and depressed, because we cannot grow, we cannot expand in comfortable ways. We become controllable. Because we are afraid, of a lack of basic resources.
Without proper money, or with a serious lack of money, we all have very limited choices. And choices, on planet Earth, are always made on a level of action. Not on a level of thought, or emotion.
Choices are always made on a level of action, and tell me, how much of an action you can do without money?
You can do some, but it gets pretty limited very soon!
Money loves to be respected
Now, the good thing about money is, it is an energy form. This means, as with anything else, like our body or kids or partner or nature or crystal or Soul, for example,.... we can transform and establish relationships with money.
In my experience?
Money loves to be respected. Money loves to be taken care of. Money loves to be in movement, and it responds to care and simple attention and gratitude.
Like your body, kids, partner, garden, crystal grid, your own Soul, money loves attention, gratitude, good vibes, positive intentions.
All you need is a particular shift in perception that I'm assisting you with right now.
Because you too need to leave the toxic patriarchal view on money as evil.
And you need to develop your own relationship with money - as an energy form. and energy is always neutral. It is not good or bad - but people make it good or bad with their intentions and use!
So, there are 3 simple steps to take:
You need to admit you have a painful relationship with money.
You need to find a way to outgrow that old, patriarchal frame of reference.
You need to grow a loving relationship with money, simple as that.
Without this love relationship with money, you are having very, very limited chances... to relax into existence on planet Earth. Conflicted relationships with money can be a source of serious anxiety and chronic stress. And it can jeopardize how you are crafting your Soulful life.
You can only craft your life through action, and action - yap, it is a completely material thing. Buying good food, rearranging the house, traveling to your daughter's place. Not to even mention health care, education, books, workshops. Or good food.
Many years ago, I’ve registered my own company. Business as a business - to serve and make money.
Back then, I had a degree in psychology, and I was ending the psychotherapy training. Before having my girls, I was already working as a psychologist for three years. I was living in my hometown, which for me, and my aspiration, was like living fucking nowhere.
Back then, I had two girls - both younger than 30 months; breastfeeding the small one.
Back then, I had one single client, no office, and each Saturday I took an hour's drive to meet the client in a rented space.... back then, I was working for EUR 30 per hour.
I must admit, ten+ years ago, I’ve never imagined the life I’m living now. After eleven years, I’m not "there" yet. But I’m on my way there. I’m not saying it’s easy. But I love good struggle and I’m an ambitious woman. If I’d be working in the corporative world, I'd for sure aim to be the corner office girl.
Yet, I love freedom. And as a healer, a medicine woman, a woman who knows how to work with energy? I'm enjoying freedom after lifetimes of fear, trauma, deprivation, and hiding.
Back then, in 2009, it started with one bold, courageous decision. With one client. With lots of faith, and my Beloved’s firm support.
Money has been helping me all along the way. Through managing money, I’ve learned a lot about myself, people, boundaries. I'm still learning. Healing my relationship with money has been a crucial aspect of my spiritual growth,... as an entrepreneur.
If we want to live a Soulful life, we will need to learn how to grow a loving relationship with everything. Our body, our sexuality, our Dark, and our Light. With love. And money. A healthy, loving relationship with money will help you grow. You will feel better, no matter how much money you have or how much you want to have. In case of emergency, like in the case of my client, it will also help you leave toxic environments much more effortlessly.
And, finally, with enough money, you will eventually start to give back to the parts of our life that you are not Soul-contracted to work within this life directly. I think this is one of the best parts of having enough money. That we can do our share of work, and still participate in those corners of humanity that we feel deeply, yet we are not able to change them, because we are Soul-contracted for other kinds of work to do.
In a Nutshell
The Universe is expansion per se. Life is all about expansion. We can either avoid it or actively evolve in it. When we are evolving, we are satisfied. When we are avoiding it, we are frustrated. We start suffering the most common symptoms of growth denied: depression, anxiety, addictions. It is ok to have needs, desires. You don't have to be ashamed of it. It's organic.
*Tina Božič is a mama, wife, and master energy worker, trained psychotherapist, and psychologist, with +20 years of experience in self-growth and healing. She helps ambitious women #witches to finally quit hiding, so they grow a sincere pleasure of being themselves, start making bigger waves while gracefully building well-deserved success in intimacy and business. Tina deeply believes life is all about Beauty, Sovereignty, and Love. You can reach Tina via firstname.lastname@example.org or ask about options to work with her here. And, don't forget to subscribe to her notorious and very much loved Soul Letters right here! <3