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Through my practical knowledge backed up with the theory, I share perspectives that can be useful when you start to leave your story because you are ready to turn pain into gold, which is more than possible if you know how. Subscribe here🤍

When Wife is in love with another man

Once upon a time, a Man called me.

His voice sounded distressed, a mixture of controlled meeting desperate. He was upfront with what he expected from me. He wanted me to meet his Wife. Immediately. This week, or the next, for only one single session. The Wife allegedly agreed to meet with the Counselor for a single session. But this Counselor needed to be available immediately because the situation was urgent:

the Wife was in love with another man.

The Man was sure, his Wife must have gone crazy. After 25 years with him, she fell in love with someone else. Everybody - he, his friends, all her friends, and relatives combined - were trying to convince the Wife about this absurd situation. They were convinced; they knew that the Wife was doing something completely crazy and wrong, and of course, in their opinion, the Wife would regret it later.

They all knew that she was going to regret it later.

She's delusional; this is what a Man said over the phone to me.

Someone in their right mind can't do something like that!, Man said. To give up a marriage because she's in love. That's not normal, at least not at her age, after our "high-functioning" marriage of 25 years!

I sensed Man's despair. I had the impression he'd thought of length about everything that had happened. He hadn't yet found a solution. He was plagued by worries and was trying to find a solution to relieve him.

When on a phone call, I also felt irritated. I felt he was moving his energy on me, expecting me to please or comfort him, which is not my work. The Man said openly he wanted my opinion about what was going on with his wife. I told him it was impossible to get that kind of opinion from me. And, I couldn't take the Wife for a meeting even if I'd had time next week. I explained the Wife is an adult and responsible for booking her own appointment, which technically means Man can't book it for his Wife.

She's not a child.

Or is she?

She is an adult woman. An adult woman can do whatever she wants; it doesn't matter what others think about her choices. Even if everyone thinks she's delusional because she is in love, she's an adult first and foremost, and yes, she's a woman in love, which can be a hard pill for viewers to swallow, stirring up a lot of unconscious messiness in them. I sensed Man's struggle and Man's need for control.

I sensed the rejection he was experiencing in this unenviable position, which could be a rejection or even a betrayal of his early love - a profoundly unconscious material from his childhood. From how he reacted, the tension, the words, the energy... I advised Man to seek help because he didn't seem very grounded, and this unfortunate event stirred up his unconscious unresolved stuff. I advised him upfront to get professional support in his challenging situation because his Wife is ready to leave - and he'll remain alone.

Do you know what he said to me?

I've got the support, no problem - I got my friends. For a moment, I remained silent. I was thinking:

"I am on the phone with a man whose life was coming apart and who was trying to send his wife to counseling to change her mind. But he? He is OK. He has his friends. And no other issues. Just Wife is his issue. A Wife who is about to leave him after nearly three decades; because "she is crazy" in love."

I wished him good luck. He thanked me for my time as we said goodbye.

A crisis? An opportunity

Our souls are encoded with unique values and desires that chart our evolutionary path in this life.

We have a choice to design our life according to the crystalline frequency of our Soul and what we truly value. Each of us is entirely different and unique. Each one of us is an experiment in itself. There comes the point in our lives when we must open ourselves to the next level of awareness and experience who we are.

Sometimes this looks like falling in love. Sometimes it looks like losing a relationship.

Each time we are spiraling in our individuality, the stakes are high. Each time someone's Wife falls in love after decades of "stabile marriage," the stakes are immense on both sides. Relationships are a universal human soft spot - and it's only in relationships that we risk so much, literally and symbolically. We actualize ourselves through relationships, and we can destroy ourselves through relationships. And intuitively, we always know this.

Too many people trade their need for individuality for the need to belong. Too many people hold on to their beloved individuality and neglect the need to belong. Not enough people know how to satisfy both.

There seems to be a moment when we suddenly find ourselves on a trajectory set by life. Somehow, no one knows why life thrusts us into distinctive, peculiar moods, into unimaginable circumstances. The whirlpool of inner transformation becomes a fact, a non-negotiable.

The woman falls in love, and suddenly he's left alone. Suddenly we have the chance to learn to swim for once in the wild and dark waters of life. We're challenged. In the muddy whirlpool of transformation, we can grow into our divinity. If we want, when we choose.

Experience shows that not all use personal crises as opportunities. The crisis is, for many, just another burden in a demanding life, a burden to be thrown off or pain to be pacified through one-night stands, pills, a new diet, late-night lonely drinks, or hanging out with many high school friends. This happens mostly to people who are convinced others are causing them problems... like a Wife falling in love.

In a personal crisis, we discover how to listen deeply to what needs to unfold next and surrender to our mystery. Of course, it isn't easy. No one said it isn't. But when we use the night's energy skilfully instead of giving in to the fear of darkness and fantasized dangers, our vision suddenly sharpens, and all our senses are activated. We stop letting the fearful mind dictate what we should or shouldn't do. We bond with our bodies and then traverse the night recklessly. We get to know ourselves in a whole new way. We drop plenty of expectations, those from people around us and, most importantly, our own, that once upon a time probably belonged to the people and society around us.

And then suddenly, the dawn comes, and we realize we had left all the shoulds behind. And we feel much more accessible, grounded, and able to flow with life instead of trying to control it. The world looks different because we are different, transformed, and because we survived.

In a nutshell

It isn't easy to become soulful - individual, unique, and thus unmistakably different. Crises are always the precursors of Change; without them, there's no transformation and evolution.

**Tina Bozic is a psychologist and psychotherapist in private practice, a women's issues professional practicing holistic, energy-based psychotherapy.

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