Your destiny is to overcome the ways of the world, to be in the world but not of it, to have all the treasures of the world and yet to possess nothing. - Eileen Caddy
I've had my private practice for almost a decade and a half and looking forward to many more. During these years, I worked a lot on overcoming money shame while dealing with people who occasionally scolded my business and judged the most natural thing a woman can do in business - charge generously for her services. I know now what I wish I'd known then and what saved me a lot of unnecessary worries - that our opinions about an event or situation primarily reflect our beliefs.
Moreover, after all these years, I can easily say that denying the importance of money is a simple mistake. Energetically and practically, it's unwise to consider money unimportant, wrong, or even "evil."
Energy is neutral, and therefore everything that exists and everything that happens is neutral - until we provide the perspective. It's simply smart to provide smart perspectives that work in our favor, not against us.
That's true self-mastery, or energy mastery, if you will.
Story from my therapy room*
We were in a therapy session. She told more about her relationship, which had lasted for over 20 years. The partner exhibited strong narcissistic traits - Manipulation, scolding, exclusion, blackmail, silence, you name it—psychological violence in its purest form.
When I listened to her, I became more direct than usual because it was not the right time for wishy-washy: "The first thing you need to do is to find a safe place. He's dangerous. What can you do today to get yourself to the safe place?"
She was one of the women who realized how harmful it's to be exposed to toxic behavior. She did not need to deny the obvious; her body nearly broke down a few weeks before she called me and came to the session. She recognized the signs and sought help. In our session, I confronted her with the urge to seek a safe space.
"I can't do it," she said, "I'd make no money." We explored.
First, she met with me - my fee wasn't the lowest on the local market. Second, was it possible that she perceived a lack of money could be a resistance to change or protection against relationship loss? Third, then as now, I trusted that someone could talk about a particular situation and look at it from a distance, from a neutral point of view. There was a way out, even if the way out often had to be constructed. Fourth, there's a solution for every equation life presents us with. Fifth, money is too often a matter of priorities, meaning we make decisions based on "Is it important to me? Is it necessary?"
Woman, take care of your wallet...
Like many, you too might be conditioned - and I dare not say brainwashed - to think that your productivity, education, emotional maturity, and spiritual growth together or individually determine your ability to make money and, therefore, your worth and dignity.
Of course, how much money you can make or how much you've made says nothing about your worth or human value.
Net worth does not equal human worth, and especially if you come from entrepreneurship or the corporate world, you probably confuse the two.
For various reasons, some competent people have empty portfolios or bank accounts. There are a lot of women and men with questionable repute who've all sorts of currencies in their lives in abundance.
However, I see that a woman who doesn't have enough money is silencing herself in many aspects of her life - and she's usually unaware of it! There are many ways that we women have permanently been silenced. The bad thing is that this story isn't a story - it's been around for centuries and is still around. So when we talk about how women have been oppressed, we must confront the deepest collective wounds many still feel in the 21st century.
The collective, unhealed trauma of humanity still shapes the field of the psyche. Human relationships suffer from it in complex, demanding ways. There are many ways in which these patriarchal structures still infiltrate our lives. Whether it's through the worship of the "scientific." Or by parroting "wellness, longevity, and vitality" through obsessive care of our bodies. What about the nearly 100 billion porn industry? Or the demonization of birth control, menstruation, home births...? And abusing money.
The problem with money is that at the deepest level there's no problem at all.
Money is an energetic form and an energetic portal. It's also a symbol and a means of energy exchange, and connection - an exchange of energy between you and me, me and the other - is the natural state of nature and humanity.
In the human world, everything is built on exchange and cooperation. Is there anything that exists outside of the relationship? Really? (No.)
Trade is about connecting meaningfully - by providing something for others. It's about giving and taking. It's the exact mechanism of love. So connection in the purest spiritual sense is love. We can receive love, and we can give love just as we can accept money and give money. There's nothing wrong or bad about that. But people have made a pile of shit out of all this.
I've no idea how this happened. But just as Eve was banished from the Garden of Eden after eating from the Tree of Knowledge - and became "evil"... it was with money! And we, Eve's daughters, began to hide, shrink, and become invisible and silent... Money also became ugly, dirty, and evil. Talking about the vulva, uterus, and menstruation became forbidden. Forbidden and severely punished. Women were burned ... and somehow, the subject of money came up. Did they practice healing powers, energy work, and expansion of consciousness through pleasure?
Money, the pink elephant in the room
The subject of money is one of the most triggering topics. Often nothing is as provocative as talking about money. So many toxic emotions entwine around this topic and so many limiting beliefs. It seems nothing more shameful than needing money, wanting money, or chasing money.
What would you say if I told you I wanted to make a quarter of a million EUR before taxes this year? Or what would you think of a woman who wants to have at least 70,000 EUR in her security bucket by the end of July? Or if she's after seven figures?
I accept that I'm a material girl moving in a material world, in a system of matter and a system of humanity built on energy exchange or connection. I realized early in my life that I live on the planet Earth. I love this planet, the waters, and all the crazy things happening there. And what I need to prosper is love and money, and I bet this is the same for you.
Denying the necessity of money won't save anyone. Pretending about money's little importance is collective and dangerous in many communities. Do you know why?
Money is all about choices
Because on this planet, money is about choices. And if we deny the importance of money or have little money, we've more than limited choices. When we don't have many options, we often become anxious and depressed because we can't develop naturally in a restrictive mode. I've yet to meet people with a genuinely comfortable and relaxed attitude towards the lack of money resources.
We have minimal choices without real money or a severe lack of funds. And options are always made on planet Earth at the level of action. Not on the level of thinking or feeling. Decisions are always made at the level of action, and tell me, how much can you do in this society without money?
It's quite delusional to deny its importance, and energetically not very wise to think of money as something bad or even "evil".
Money responds to respect
We can always rebuild and change our relationship with money. In my experience, money responds to being respected. Money responds to being taken care of. Money responds to being in motion, and it responds to simple attention and gratitude. Like our bodies, our children, our partner, our garden, our crystal grid, and our own souls, money responds to attention, gratitude, good vibrations, and positive intentions. It's very simple.
Transformation always starts with a shift of perception - and so do miracles. Regarding money?
Break away from the toxic patriarchal view that suggests money as something bad or even "evil".
We need to develop our conscious and beneficial relationship with money, which means "getting our own wallet" Money as a form of energy means it's neutral. Energy is always neutral. It's neither good nor bad - only humans make it good or bad through our intentions and use.
(For example, there's a big difference between making money by helping people and dealing drugs. And yes, energetically, there's a big difference if we pay for groceries in the local supermarket or illegal stuff on the dark web. Karma is a bitch, and we always reap what we sew. ) Here are three simple steps on how you can start building a new relationship with money:
You've to admit that you have a problematic relationship with money.
You need to find a way to grow out of that old, patriarchal frame of reference.
You need to build a loving relationship with money
It's that simple. Without this respectful approach to money, you've significantly limited chances to enjoy your existence on Earth. A conflicted relationship with money can be a source of severe anxiety and chronic stress. And it can jeopardize the design of your soulful life.
You can only shape your life by acting - this is purely material. Are you buying good food, remodeling the house, and visiting your daughter in British Columbia? Not to mention health care, education, books, and workshops. THERAPY. Or eating delicious food?
In 2009 I registered my first business - a small business. To help people and earn some money. At that time, I had a degree in psychology and was nearing the end of my psychotherapy training. I also had two young daughters - both younger than 30 months. When I registered my business, I was breastfeeding my baby daughter. I started with a single client. I didn't have an office. Every Saturday, I drove an hour to meet my client in a rented space and worked for 30 euros an hour. It all started with a bold, courageous decision. I never thought I'd be so involved with money. I wouldn't have become so money-oriented with a "safe" or "public" job. Cash has helped me all along the way. I've learned a lot about myself, people and boundaries through dealing with money. I'm still learning. As a solopreneur, healing my relationship with money has been essential to my spiritual growth.
I've learned that if we want to live a soulful life, we must learn to have a respectful relationship with everything. With our bodies, our sexuality, our darkness, and our light. With love. And with money. A healthy relationship with money helps us grow, and in our society - as in my client's case - it also helps us protect ourselves when we need to. Feeling guilty for coveting money or ashamed for having it makes no sense. It also makes no sense to shame others for having money or to judge them by their desire.
After all... our emotional reactions to people are very much about ourselves.
In a Nutshell
Money is one of the biggest taboos we have nowadays. And it's the ultimate heresy to love money. The subject of money is charged with the most outrageous emotions you can imagine, and talking about money is, for many people, much more complicated than talking about sex. The universe is expansion per se, and life itself is about expansion. We can either escape this flow or actively evolve within it. If we grow, we're content. If we avoid it, we're frustrated. Then we suffer from the most common symptoms of growth denial: depression, anxiety, and addictions. Money is an essential aspect of our reality. It's okay to enjoy the psychological sense of security that money provides. It's okay to have material needs and desires too. You don't have to be ashamed of any of it.
* To protect the privacy of my clients, this story is fictional but also waved together from different experiences in the therapy room.
**Tina Božič is a psychologist and psychotherapist in private practice, a women's issues professional, practicing holistic, energy-based psychotherapy.