something is wrong with me
You know that feeling when you are talking with people, and they ask you something, and you answer with absolute honesty, and then everything goes graveyard silent? A vivid conversation becomes a flat-line experience as people simply back off? And no-one talks with you anymore for the rest of the morning?
The uncomfortable situation, right. I mean, peer pressure is still one of the yuckiest forms of resistance against living more of our authentic Self. Peer pressure is real, but at the same time, it is our own: resistance, in tricky way displayed on the outside, as a projection of our own inner pressure.
So, when we're starting to feel "wrong" by someone's side? And we know, on a common-sense level, we actually did nothing against the wellbeing of others? What's going on?
First. People around us are not owning their own "wrong," which is their own shadow material. Our truth simply provoked the energy inside of them. The relational field freeze, because listening to us, they touched the frozen psychological layer inside of themselves.
Second. It's time to check with our own shadow too. Why is so difficult to own our own feelings, emotions, longings, desires, thoughts, opinions, facts? Why do we need to feel crabby as fuck? Or guilty?
Look, we all really really want to believe that only if we think right, are positive, optimistic, all shiny and all bright, people will love us, while our "positivity" will at the same time repel or heal the shadow - which is darkness, pain, craziness, fears, stinky longings, unbearable tensions, our own ugliness. And own authentic, Soulful gifts, which are so often part of the shadow.
We really wanna believe that.
But this is not how psychological human matrix works.
Discomfort is here to be faced, people. The Uncomfortable won't go away through avoiding it, nor healing it with some "love and light".
To resolve the pain, the discomfort, you need to go in and through. This is the way out. Not masking it with prayers, affirmations, and some wishful thinking. I mean, we can do it, but what will happen is our body will sooner or later show us the truth.
Body never lies.
See, the majority of us face our shadow only when the pain gets 200% unbearable. Which is actually a lot. Sad truth is, humans can take on a lot of pain. We even have a perfect system on how to store it - into our energy field and tissues. We seem to be habituated as a collective to sustain it in the same way as we're buying into fear as the norm of sanity.
But this is not the way.
Because we want to grow and expand in good ways, we need to face discomfort, the unknown, unpredictable. Which includes being different from other people.
Really, just don't be afraid of not being loved or accepted. Be afraid of fucking up your life in attempts to deny your truth, your depths.
See, if we all owned our (individual) wrongness, we would live in a pretty much different world.
Shadow work - facing our wholeness, is the most potent, undervalued, and transformational type of psychological and spiritual work nowadays.
It takes us deep, it takes us far.
Not all people like to journey.
But some... we actually do.
** Tina Bozic is a straight-edge lady in her 40's; a psychotherapist, psychologist, and energy worker. With her husband, their daughters and Bowie the cat she is currently living in Slovenia, serving clients worldwide. She's helping women to get radically empowered, radically loved. You too can subscribe to her e-newsletters by clicking right here.