dare to differentiate, do the raspberry swirl
Thursday, 23rd April 2020
When I was driving home, it was already dark, yet pleasantly spring warm. As I drow the streets, I noticed something different from many previous Thursdays. Week by week, for almost two months now in the evenings, I've been driving empty streets. No cars, no people, no cats.
But this evening... something was different.
Kids were out.
Standing, sitting, hanging... in small groups of three or four, on benches, smoking, talking. Even though, you know, social distancing. Even though, you know, lockdown.
And I am like, is this happening?
I am like, my heart is so full, fuck, look, Tina, the kids are out. Again. On the benches. And trees are blooming, nights are getting sweet and mellow,... is this love that I'm finally feeling?
Is this life as it should be.
As it's supposed to be?
For me, pandemic and all that it represents - because what it multidimensionally represents is massively more than biology, statistics, and severe geopolitical mess - came to an end... in the week before Eastern.
One morning in April.
I woke up. And I felt it. Mental rabbit holes, bizarre cognitive dissonances, emotional waves and tides, all the heavy energetic overwhelm with the fuss of pandemic (received through the media and governmental restrictions)... it all suddenly collapsed into one single point of an embodied insight.
That morning, in our bed, I opened my eyes, and I felt it.
I felt it, I just knew.
With whole my body, with all my cells and with complete cognitive and emotional clarity, I sensed that "pandemic" and all that it represents...
I'm done with it. I'm choosing another timeline, leaving the pandemic timeline behind.
When pandemic started to escalate, I didn't slip into denial. I didn't choose spiritual bypassing. I've revisioned that fearful and lack-full global-pandemic timeline up, down, right, left. I've been staring into the energetic darkness building up around me since February, when northern Italy went into the lockdown... and I live 500 meters from the border with Italy #btw
But that morning in early April, I got that clear sense in my body and embodied awareness, the global pandemic has nothing to do with me - my life as it is, with my love as it is, with my work as it is.
The most important, it has nothing to do with my point of power.
And to be actively involved with it? Like, with my work? Like, with my choices around my life? Beyond wearing my buff when I go buy bread for my girls, making a donation for homeless people or, if that would be the case, respecting people that are proactively dealing with it?
Because there is no heartfelt, soulful desire to participate in this happening... or do anything at all.
That morning, there was this crystal clear embodied energetic boundary between pandemic and all that it represents... and my intimate life, my work, my world, my reality.
A new timeline was opened.
Awareness, I am here to do my own work, follow what I feel, and know for myself to be true.
Of course, I had some guilt-tripping around this. I mean, since "we are all in this together", is this "allowed"? To differentiate, to refuse to share a timeline that my body feels is deeply, deeply incorrect for me?
I was close to judge my insight. In a blink of an eye, I could get very, very nasty regarding myself, impossibly cruel to such a frivolous state of my body-mind-soul in times like "these". Like, my Saboteur going: "Tina, you are so egoistic, so non-compassionate, so un-caring."
(Really? Perhaps. But probably not.)
However, I didn't go into that.
You know why?
Because through weeks of a lockdown, I decided to put a lockdown of love and profound transformation on my own shadows. I did alchemize my share of stuff. Like: my politically correct inner part - tightly connected with the frightened and traumatize, obedient inner child. Like: my deep distrust into humanity and its ability to learn from past mistakes. Like: my rage upon massive energetic violence of negativity, entering my home, and yours, through mass media.
I didn't judge myself. I didn't allow my Sabouter to have a speech and make amends.
Because, through the entire onset of "pandemic" and "lockdown", I was actually working internally as fuck. I wasn't even aware of it, how much I've been working, restoring my own psychic basement, healing layers upon layers of trauma... so my Soul can come forward... more.
It all felt pretty much like an initiation. A surreal, harsh, massive, uninvited sequence from David Lynch's movie. And there was I, innocent bystander, more or less, fighting for my own love.
Is my love strong enough?
Often, I was asking myself, am I able to watch this global multidimensional paradox going on in front of my eyes like the worst movie I've ever seen... stand tall and stare into it until it disappears? #becauseitwill
When Soul comes forward, through deep layers of shadow work, the level of an energetic, spiritual non-conformity happens. Because our Soul Designs, defining our spiritual essence, are completely unique and very much differentiated. Think about DNA? Our Soul Designs are about DNA codes on a spiritual level encoded as a possibility into the physical reality of our physical body. They are completely unique and when we are realigning to them, we are able to make soul-aligned choices.
And soul-aligned choices are making magnificently happy women.
Soul-aligned always means following the most profound Truth possible, nesting inside of our cells, on our energetic-emotional level. And yes, we cannot make these kinds of choices if we don't care for our body, if we are in a spin of any sort of addiction or if we anyhow identify with a paradigm of fear or lack.
To make Soul-aligned choices, we need to grow our awareness, we need to do enough of shadow work and be willing to move energy into the matter. This all includes:
The ability to be bound to ourselves, no matter what is happening around us. Ability to dare to differentiate, no matter how this looks like to the outside. Ability to follow our Truth, no matter how judged, scolded, eye-rolled we might be.
Because we will be - but we won't care; we will understand and love... After all, ladies, we are here to wash away deep patriarchal wounds where behaving naturally was recognized as heresy and blasphemy; severely sanctioned, punished. We all have this inside because we, getting all this, are all the grand-grand daughters of witches who they didn't burn.
The pandemic issue is an example, agreeably and indisputably a massive one. But what I'm describing to you is this level of an embodied insight, when one day you wake up, literally and figuratively, and you know the Truth it in every cell of your body:
I'm done with it.
I'm offering it.
I'm changing it.
I'm saying it.
I'm doing it.
I'm over with this fucking shit.
Familiar to you?
An absolute awareness of the Truth.
Embodied knowing that no one can fuck around with you anymore - not even yourself.
Have you ever experienced something like this?
For me, this level of Truth is so solid, so indisputable, that I can't argue about it. It is like a decree. It demands that I organically - physically, mentally, emotionally follow it with my whole body, mind, and Soul... and to live what I know, deep inside, is personally correct to me...
... to live my depths.
From that morning before Eastern 2020, something new started to flourish inside of me. Something unraveled and then shifted inside of me. It transformed, transmuted.
You know... this is the beauty of inner work. This is the beauty of a feminine approach to inner work. It's not about trying to fix anything. It is about willingness to witness oneself with compassion, persistence, curiosity, and desire to journey into the shadows and then into the unknown, which is a space where anything is possible, some things are more probable, and eventually, something is born seemingly out of thin air.
Out of the impeccable darkness.
Out of Divine:
an embodied insight,
expansion of love.
We can receive a dream, a vision, a sense of love supreme, with a willingness to surrender to our own mystery... and follow our inner flow. We need to be persistent. Trust our intimate space and Soul. Face those shadow dragons. Be willing to do a million mental operations and emotional raspberry swirls, so one morning, we wake up to something profound, even more raw and real...
It is demanding, yes. But it was also never meant to be easy.
In a nutshell
The only way out of fear-based perceptions is to make Soul-aligned choices. To follow the most profound Truth possible, nesting inside of your cells, on your energetic-emotional level. Please, keep in mind: we always see what we expect to see, not what is really there. Our perceptual biases - emotional programming and limiting beliefs established in childhood, in our past lives, and reinforced on a collective level through mass media - they all limit what we notice and experience. If our filters are polluted with limiting schemas based on fear and lack and recrimination, then our worlds are reflecting this. If we dissolve the pollution, our worlds are reflecting this too. What are you choosing to perceive? Perception is the first level of creating reality.
* Tina Bozic is a straight-edge lady in her 40's - a psychotherapist, psychologist, and energy worker. With Tina, women get a practitioner, who’s traditional practice (est 2009) is punctuated by a holistic and intuitive approach. Incorporating the body, mind, and soul to help bring for womb consciousness and radical self-love.
Tina is available for mentoring, shamanic soul-womb work, and psychotherapy online and also in person at her healing space in Nova Gorica, Slovenia - EU.
** Otherwise, Raspberry Swirl is a song by Ms. Tori Amos. We love Tori in our headquarters.