bypass botox, please
We all have this habit of questioning ourselves. We can have narrow hips or wide ones, wrinkles at age 36 or 48, fleckers, butts small or big, bodies not trained and trained super functional bodies, high level of awareness, yoga certificates, all those professional skills, a high-school degree, a Ph.D., that hard-won teaching positions....
We all question ourselves. I cannot imagine a sensitive, empathic human being without this unrevealed layer. Even though confident most of the time, when the time is right and Moon is low, and Mercury keeps on turning? We get terrified that we are not ok as we are. We get openly anxious about people won't love us as we are.
Am I good enough?
What will they say?
Will I make a good impression?
What if she thinks of me as an egoistic bitch?
What if you look greedy?
We're putting so much effort into controlling ourselves. We care so much about other people's opinions, trying to prevent that they won't ever find out about our "true nature" - a hidden defect we have, in our character, on our body, in our life.
Often, we have no clue how much energy we use to cancel out the chances that other people cancel us out.
Through all this, we're putting immense pressure on ourselves. We're spending lots of time, energy thought, power and money on this, and in the name of that, we're trying hard to live up to our own idealized standards.
Honestly, this is one of the most exhausting habits.
And the least rewarding ones.
Is there a lot of pressure in your life?
People come to therapy revealing they are under huge pressure. The pressure does make sense. Small kids and sleepless nights. Challenging teens. Schooling, housekeeping, jobs, career, education, elderly parents, narcissistic bosses, dogs and nasty cats, needy friends...
When we are under outer pressure, this means we are not in the relaxed space on the inside either.
A little secret is, pressure on the outside is similar to the pressure we are creating on the inside - for ourselves.
There are many ways how this is happening in our psyche. And many ways how we experience this.
But the bottom line is, we are always trying to be someone else than we are. This is a very strong source of our internal pressure.
Less aware we are of this, more we are investing. We are using massive amounts of time, energy thought, power, money as we are trying hard to be:
the good daughter,
the mommy's champion,
miss of the universe,
the most bright girl in the high school,
the most compassionate soul you can fucking imagine #myfav
Sooner or later, struggling for all this exhausts us. It makes us very tired. Dull. Greyish. Sucked out. Dry. Stuck as fuck. Even ill! Eventually, Life forces us to stop with this unfulfilling game.
When this happens, we are entering the first stage of healing work.
Because putting images of perfection off the pedestal is an important step into our own healing.
Our idealized images always develop as a polarity to our deep wound. So, they are kind of internally protected. We work hard to avoid feeling the hurt and pain linked to these wounds. To sustain all this, idealized images we have about ourselves always need to be persuasive. Flattering to our mind. Seductive. They promise more and more of something comfortable, easy. They promise fancy.
Let me give you an example.
Imagine you as a kid. And your mom and dad busy. Not asking you about your day, except in superficial ways. Not showing genuine interest in your feelings, showing no interest in how you think. How do you perceive the world? Do you wonder about how big the universe is? Do you know where babies come from? What will you be when you grow up? What are your worries? What are the joys? Simple stuff. But no inquiry into your ambitions, fantasy world. Imagine your parents hardly ever having time for you. Always so busy, working hard, and you needing them hard. Lots of rules, little space for life...
On an emotional level? They are rejecting spending time with you. They are avoiding emotional closeness and depriving you of being emotionally cared for. Can you imagine what you start to feel deep inside of yourself?
Lack is defined as that weird feeling that there is something missing in your life. You typically think it is something that is missing on the outside, in your life. First, you start noticing Pressure. Like you either have no time or no space to breathe. Then, you start to fully project a lack. Which you are trying hard not to do because you are fully immersed in this parading of taking 100% responsibility for yourself. However, secretly, yous till think, the lack, it's in your partner or community, kids or society, or God and the universe. Something is lacking in their attitude, response, how they are. This is all running secretly and your mind is occupied, and you are grabbing for things on the outside that will help you resolve your problem. Like another goddesses retreat, another Gucci bag, plastic surgery or shoot of botox, a bigger house, the second coach and the third mastermind, that weekend getaway with girls (after the #corona shiz is over).
But none of this solves any of your core problems.
Because real problem is, you completely miss, from the word go, an organic, embodied experience how it is when someone close gives you what you emotionally need.
So you sense this lack and hold on to it. And, in projection, you sense the world is not full and something is constantly missing, and this is so frustrating for you.
You have no clue, you are in a full-blown up of distorted feminine energy flow, and you are heading in completely wrong directions. One that won't make you happy, and won't make you whole. Not really. Deep down in your cells, tissues.. and in your Soul.
The underlying issue is, you're stubbornly holding on to your idealized image. This idealized image is promoting anything but being emotionally open and vulnerable. This image is trying to protect you.
Your idealized image was born to shield off the emotional pain you had actually felt when your love was unmet.
And now you are working too hard to reach that idealised image. To embody it. Which is impossible. Images are not incarnated energy forms; they are purely mental. They have no connection with organic reality.
When the fridge is empty
If our parents strongly deprived or frustrated us in getting what we emotionally-energetically needed, like hugs, simple loving presence, meaningful conversations, and hanging around together with no demands, then we inevitably have this deep feeling of lack inside.
And to heal this issue, we need to go beyond the idealized images and our endless habits, promoting self-sufficiency.
We need to admit to ourselves what we need on a deeper level, and then we need to learn how to reach out and take in, energetically, what we need.
This is not so easy as it seems.
Because when we start doing this, we first get very very anxious, much like an addict, quitting the destructive habit. But unless we cope with this anxiety, we never get over our wound of being denied in our emotional-energetic needs.
This is where deep inner work steps in.
Stop worshipping who you think you should be.
No one ever commits to the healing unless faced with severe pressure. Healing is not wellness - but it takes us there. Before getting there, it demands dedication and commitment. And we, humans, we don't move unless necessary. We conserve energy. We often move only as a response to the difficult - loss, grief, anger, panic.
Therapy space is tailored for the transmutation of "negativity".
Therapy is healing, and healing is always about raising the vibration. It's about flipping or shifting on the energy level. We go from dense, complicated, constricted energies. We access brighter, lighter, much more expanded.
In deep inner work, we energetically travel from space of pretending to the places where our divine essence, our truth is available.
Our authenticity, our truth, it comes upon request and traveling through dark, bitter, denied, lost and despised. We know to bypass of any kind, it doesn't work. The denial of life, the painful and bitter, frustrating, hysterical, raging, desperate? We need to face this all, with grace and ease, and lots of love.
The fact is, each time we meet our dragons, more of love and pleasure are available to us.
Each time we drop blood or a teardrop of pressure to meet our own idealized standards, we liberate a bit more.
What we see then is, love and pleasure, they are actually unlimited and ever-growing. There is no end to love, no end to pleasure, no end to truth and beauty.
Sooner or later, we recognize, we are ok as we are. We are acceptable. We are loving and lovable. We can reach out and get what we need. We can compete. We can dare to be the best. We can demand more.
We are not afraid of being mundane and unperfect, as we know we are beautiful in our own individuality - and so are others.
We start taking life from our bodies, not from our minds. We can take ourselves and life as it is as a play, as an experiment, as an experience. This then takes no effort and absolutely no pressure. We are having a sacred, loving distance to ourselves, other people and the world, while at the same time, we are fully engaged, emotionally-energetically immersed in it.
Prerequisite? Deep down we know we are fine exactly as we are. With all narrow hips or wide ones, wrinkles at age 36 or 48, fleckers, flat asses, butts small or big, bodies not trained and trained super functional bodies, high level of awareness, yoga certificates, all those professional skills, a high-school degree, a Ph.D., that hard-won teaching positions....
Our imperfections? Are blessings of an exquisite kinds.
In a Nutshell
Do you feel lots of pressure in your life? Then you're guilty of pushing yourself too hard: trying to become someone you think you should be, while denying your deeper needs, wants desires. Stop worshipping ideals; come as you are. Completely unique and yet totally the same as we all are.
** Tina Bozic is a straight-edge lady in her 40's; a psychotherapist, psychologist, and energy worker. With her husband, their daughters and Bowie the cat she is currently living in Slovenia, serving clients worldwide. She's helping women to get radically empowered, radically loved. You too can subscribe to her e-newsletters by clicking right here.