Once upon a time, a woman in her 30s felt perplexed about her career. Okay, perplexed is a bit too much of a word, but let's say, it was not good.
She yearned for a shift, a fresh start, something new.
The quest lasted for a few years.
That woman was me.
It was all happening around the time when I booked my own soul reading.
I had my soul reading years ago.
How I got the courage to book an online session with a stranger is still a mystery.
At that time, getting a soul reading wasn't "out of the box."
It was bordering insanity.
While accomplishing my BA in Psychology, I suffered with statistics and psychometrics.
Still, academics kinda suited me 🧠
Even though I also kept my illogical connection to God throughout my childhood.
At age 4 or 5, I wondered how I could have two fathers - one sitting on a couch in the living room and the other up there, in the sky. It's not logical, is it. I mean, who the fuck has two fathers. A father, and then Father.
But no matter how I kept my illogical connection to God intact throughout my childhood, there was a persisting sense something was off with all the invisible and all the intangible.
I suited natural sciences, even though I felt the presence of God.
But I was repelled by the smell of church.
I have been one miserable follower for my whole life. Never, to this day, have I managed to follow any religion, guru, or spiritual thought system. To my disappointment, even the scientific paradigm I grew up with failed to convince me ultimately.
I remember one thing about statistics. Okay, perhaps two. But one thing is, how bendable numbers are. I was told, it is very convenient to use numbers and present them in a manner that suits the presenter's interest. And we know presenters' interests are often ambiguous. As the numbers are bendable.
Statistics was not the main or only reason, but at one point in my life, it just felt right to depart from the world of orthodox or wanna-be-orthodox scientific thought.
Mary Oliver expressed this perfectly:
I have refused to live
locked in the orderly house of
reasons and proofs.
The world I live in and believe in
is wider than that. And anyway,
what's wrong with Maybe?
You wouldn't believe what once or
twice I have seen. I'll just
tell you this:
only if there are angels in your head will you
ever, possibly, see one.
(Mary Oliver, The World I Live In)
On a hot August day, my mother asked me to visit my dear Aunt, who had been taken to the hospital in Ljubljana for a check the day before.
No one prepared me for what I would see with my Aunt.
When I was leaving the hospital, after an hour's visit, I asked the ward doctor what they were going to do with my Aunt. He said they would transfer her from intensive care to the ward and give her something to eat.
I left the hospital desperate. The smell from the room and what I saw stayed with me.
On the way back home, a 111 km drive, I kept crying.
I cried into a salad bowl as my husband and I ate lunch in a restaurant. I just cried, all day long. I didn't even know there were so many tears possible to become. My head almost fell apart from crying. When alone in the afternoon, I took a paracetamol and drew a tarot card. I cried even more.
And then the sun went down, and a message arrived, and it said, Tina, Aunt died.
I knew this would happen. I expected it. I was in that hospital room, full of that peculiar smell, and a doctor was saying they would put Aunt in the ward upstairs and feed her, as her Soul was floating above her body and moving up, moving up. The doctor was speaking about feeding her and her story was closing, the end was near, and I was there, confused, lost witness to unobservable.
This experience changed my comprehension of many things.
It plunged me into reality; it grounded me even more. It gave me the permission and strength to think outside the limited frameworks of my once orderly professional life.
I realized that time is precious,
that this life is finite,
that this incarnation is sacred,
and that I must follow
myself and my perceptions
because they have meaning
So, two autumns later, surfing the web, I accidentally came across a woman offering soul readings.
I booked my very own soul reading.
It was a bit nervous experience, I must say.
Even though apparently "contemplating Soul very very often"?
Some of me still thought 'Soul' and 'God' were empty words.
I hoped they weren't, though.
But a massive part of me was shitless scared that those were merely beautifully sounding words that mystics, lost in the desert, and stoned poets, suffering themselves, came up with to console when, in reality, they were staring into the abyss of life's existential meaninglessness, compelled to fabricate illusions, make up some fancy-sounding shit to delude themselves even more.
Shitwords like Soul.
Soul, the flickering mirage of an oasis.
Transient vision of Soul.
Stuff like that.
So when I booked my soul reading with a complete stranger online, a part of me was still pretty sure that "soul" was:
But then, the truth is, another part of me was so excited with the prospect of my very own freaking fucking soul reading.
Like, really, really excited!
I remember the thrill, combined with anxiety, and plenty of thoughts running through my head, most of them joining a common denominator, "what the fuck are you doing, Tina."
But I made a pact with myself to soothe the anticipatory anxiety - let us recall, I am a certified and registered psychotherapist, after all.
I said to myself:
"Okay, if that woman, bless her and her family and ancestors, speaks shit, and I will judge that what she's saying doesn't make any sense, in part or as a whole, I will dismiss what she is speaking on the very same fucking spot. Under no conditions will I allow any mindfuckery rolling around here."
I made a pact with myself, and that did soothe some vulnerable parts of me to a degree.
It comforted those inner parts that remembered very well what it means to be a target for toxic projections and, how dangerous the blaming game was for me, how much I suffered for years.
Later, already crafting Soul Readings myself, I learned that intuitive readings can be anxious affairs when people have experienced others projecting massively onto them - accusing them of things unjustly.
Negative projections are probably the grande root of all toxicity in relationships, after all.
Negative projections make the receiver of projections (victim) evoke severe emotional distress. Continuous projection can lead to confusion, making it challenging for a victim to understand their emotions and behaviors separate from those projected onto them. People may start questioning their own identity and worth as they repeatedly receive negative projections. Victims also find it challenging to express their true thoughts and emotions, fearing they will be met with more projections or criticism. And in the most extreme cases, people begin to doubt their reality and perception due to the distortions imposed by the perpetrator.
Negative projections are deadly weapons as they cause immense psychological and spiritual damage. They can mark people for life and make anyone feel something is terribly wrong with them.
Victims need to work hard and intentionally to dissolve toxic negative projections. This is often not easy work because simultaneously with dissolving the toxicity of negativity embedded deep inside the psyche, they need to build up an awareness of themselves as innately good, which demands building up their "inner goodness" from the ground floor. Only then can they separate toxic messages from the deeper reality of their benevolent, pure, and innocent core selves.
I trusted my intuition, and I jumped right into soul reading.
There are some experiences in my life where there is a life before and the life after.
Soul reading is for sure one of them.
Booking my soul reading, I was lucky to come across a good woman with a big heart who safely and gracefully handed me the basic information about my soul karmic records and did soul-level healing.
Even though I was initially very reluctant, even anxious, about the experience, I soon began to sense the dimension of freedom that followed when I permitted myself to accept the existence of a spiritual dimension of the Soul in my life, for real.
I decided to have my soul reading during a demanding period when I was confused by the reality of my profession and looking for directions on continuing my professional career.
Months had passed after the soul reading, and I noticed how I had changed.
I began to relax more and more into myself.
My mind settled.
Something shifted inside.
Then, palpable changes started to kick in. I left professional relationships that I had been struggling with for years. I redirected my private practice from traditional psychotherapy to energy psychotherapy. Less than a year after the soul reading, I came across the womb work. To this day, exploring and developing sacred womb work remains the foundation of all my teachings and healing work I offer in women's circles.
Looking back, seven years and counting, it is evident soul reading rooted me into my soulful path.
It de facto cleared the luggage and baggage around the potentiality of fully expressing myself in my profession.
Everything is a matter of evolution, and I believe the most essential thing is growth, not perfection. The evolution of your Soul is sacred. It's beautiful to the eyes that can see, the mind that can understand, and the body that can feel.
Keep on supporting yourself deeply.
It's worth it.
Where to continue? Book your Soul Reading today - click here to find out more.
Tina Božič View my bio