• Tina Bozic

{don't} settle for lack

Women, we crave emotional and sexual intimacy. We simply need to be seen, recognised, respected and taken care of. We need to feel and sense the lust, the love, the luscious. We thrive when we have all this, as, in parallel, we also get cold and dry, like prunes and emotional flat-lines without this all.


Emotional and sexual intimacy, it's quite a complex thing, isn't it.


It's all the time about delicate dance of closeness and distance. And of Soul and flesh. And it's so much about communication. Most of all, it's completely natural, it's a need. And yet, it can become so frustrating, so complicated, so mind-fucked and addictive. Yet intimacy, it has nothing to do with us being dependant on our partners, let alone addicted. In it's core, it's only about a deep, everlasting natural need that needs to be respected. Which sadly, this is often not the case.


In my therapy space, I meet so many women ashamed of their full, sincere need for emotional, sexual, spiritual intimacy.

Too many women are married, and not having fulfilling sex for ages. Too many women in their juicy 20's and 30' and 40's and +50's, are single and without a loving, committed partner, and they are employing a range of defence mechanisms like "well, I've never been sexual anyway".... as if sexuality is not organic, relevant, the most natural of all?


As far as I am concerned, just too many women live 3, 5, 10, 15, even 25+ years in a relationship, and they simply end up living as roommates in emotional spaces without any meaningful recognition, and houses full of stuck coldness and distance, often resembling museums.


They seem trapped in the emptiness plagued with the desire that cannot live.

Those are all painful ways how we, women, are compromising our intimacy, self-sabotaging our relationship. This female behaviour seems to be epidemic; one of the societies best-kept secrets. We are having difficulties talking about this, taking responsibility for it and transforming exactly those bitter parts of our precious lives. It's an issue still charged with shame, guilt, disgust, rage and centuries of patriarchal oppression.


But you know what I think?


We're here to change that. We are here to be emotional. We are here to be sexual. We are here to have deep, fulfilling relationships. We are here to respect and trust our bodies, genuinely.

Sexuality, it's imperative to intimacy. In its pure essence, it is a medicine and misused, it can be poisonous, ripping us from dignity, trust, comfort, respect. It is not bound up to the sexual act, sexual experience, sexual union. Sexuality is a force that is the vibrational foundation of our existence, and something we need to handle with care.


When we close our eyes, and we imagine the area of Infinite Light surrounding us, we see into the force that is actually sexuality. And you can as easily call it God, of course. Or Spirit, or Divine, Universe or Life Force. Sexuality is the Liquid Organic Light, weaving the field of all there is, like


our cells,

entire body,

our psyche,

our mind,

our Souls,

this river and the sea and the woods,

our community,

living, dead and unborn,

the System.


From an in-depth feminine perspective, which I'm trying to bring even closer to you, this force is not only saturated with sexuality, but it is sexuality per se because it brings creation. Birth, ascension, descent, death, re-birth.


I also think setting ourselves for sexual and emotional intimacy in the 21st century, it is actually a radical move away from the societal approved ways of living. Because we all live in a culture overwhelmed by structures that are generic and demanded by masses.


Strategies, stereotypically prescribing how many times per day we should eat, what kind of food, how many times we should exercise, have sex, call friends, cuddle the kid - or not? When should we celebrate, get married, leave the corporate job, have those retiring funds, and how?


Everyone seems to have a solution for our issues and challenges; rarely anyone knows that she or he hasn't because we really need to find our own.


This leaving is always about leaping, and it's demanding. Rarely anyone enjoys this, and even if they do, in their bones they sense this threat of error. It's difficult to feel safe while jumping. even for adrenalin junkies, it's risky, and definitely ambivalent kind of business, this leaving of the comfort zone of societal prescriptions.


Abandoning any kind of socially reinforced structures, we need to be ready to travel through layers of fear, terror, guilt, shame, and disgust, one of the many guardians of the fear-based paradigm.

This voyage is an emotional rollercoaster.


We need to be prepared for it.


Now, many want to live fully. It's a mantra, a magical longing of many: to live fully, authentic, happy if you prefer. By default, this comes hand in hand with emotional and sexual fulfilment, obviously. And even though many declare to want this kind of "authentic" life, not so many are eventually ready to learn how to fly. Like really fly. Embody the brave new world, which is world out of this world of ordinary mind, consensus reality.


When they fail or they feel like they have been failing their deepest longings and desires, I think this happens them also because of they keep following, obeying or worshipping... something or someone. They don't dare


to go,

break,

move,

leave,

direct,

take charge,

just fuck off.


Somewhere on the way, the stop. Why?


Because they too often get paralysed, trapped in trauma from their past that is playing out of their awareness, unconsciously.

I think we are not here to stop, give up, settle for less than deep down or in the middle of the night we feel we need.


We are here to master the life force within and without.


It belongs to us, it always has, for evermore. We need courage, persistence and lots of honesty, so we can I build our sacred life, our Divinity if you prefer, primarily from the ground up. It is entirely possible, and often much more exciting than we'd expect. But it also demands a certain level of inner strength as it leads to freedom.


Freedom always comes with responsibility — neither is made for the fainthearted.

Getting back our emotionality and sexuality, our intimacy, it comes as we are. It comes in unpredictable ways, since we are wild creatures, over domesticated over centuries. It is a process.


Chaotic.

Non-linear.

Uncontrollable.

Not very rational.

Often beyond verbal, unexplainable.

Unexpected.


And, we need to sustain all this. Otherwise? We craft life of lost opportunities and deep regrets.


But we don't want that, right.


Love,

Tina

** Tina Bozic is a straight-edge lady in her 40's; a psychotherapist, psychologist, and energy worker. With her husband, their daughters and Bowie the cat she is currently living in Slovenia, serving clients worldwide. She's helping women to get radically empowered, radically loved. You too can subscribe to her e-newsletters by clicking right here.



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